This is the Saturday
Saturday November 11, 2006
Listening: Return to Innocence - Enigma
Mood: Thoughtful
few hours ago I got the cyber, had planned to surf for an hour, but some conversation left me stuck all afternoon.
is true that given a good slap can remove many things, but is someone who gives, so to speak way, not so close (do not know if you understand ... arg! yuki no you're not going to explain, if understood, it is understood, if not, bad luck), you may remove more of what you want.
Let's see, how to explain it.
I have been told to send to hell the rest of the world, who thinks of me and only me to close my eyes and get carried away, others take the same. This I have heard so many times, so many mouths, I've lost count. Even I have written here so many, but ... It's that damn but
.
In some way or another, I always did deaf ears and preferred to stay locked, secure within this shell I call body.
I've written thousands of words, I have described many scenarios where I can be me and nobody but me. I fantasized about thousands of situations, filling my pockets with impossible dreams and realities in which to escape. My life is an adaptation of a dream as a child, a Shakespearean tragedy in the lowest category. Venezuelan novel worth (no offense, of course).
My point is that I've been elsewhere but here. My reality has been distorted in strange ways and I feel myself like a fly that looks like things are happening.
But as I have lived all my years.
I've been painting the wall, noting that everything that surrounds it. "I've been watching people for too long, which has left me without an identity which only longing for love ... what others have. "
In dynamics could say some things, perhaps the current group could not understand, chances are they did not know what I meant when I said I liked the voice of a certain person or attitudes of another or as usual they highlight in the middle from the crowd.
Hell if I could still do the same!
The tragedy is that I am who I stop, I provoke internal chaos that keeps me moving forward. However
have changed. At least I dropped my defenses and bars are not as high, it is easier to get to me now. It has cost me, I lost things I thought important by this change, but not worth it.
I will not let them treat me like a fool again, I will not let me use that old rag.
true that I have chosen the wrong friends in the past, I think that is something which I have encountered many times. Now ... now I just want to see how everything progresses, I'm tired of analyzing the world ... I would not think so.
In that, sir, you are quite right. What I note southern lot, I complicate for everything and anything, I'm drowning in deep seas, in glasses and water glasses without water.
I'm complicated, I know.
I'm a mess, I know.
I'm a time bomb exploding every two years ... I know that very well. I
deep, I am calm and little panic, I am led to my ideas. I'm dreaming, I am artist and writer, I am designer and communicator. I am a scholar, I'm smart, I applied and responsible. I'm intellectual (that count?), I'm avid reader ...
But more importantly ... I'm one
That should be worth all of the above and all I do not remember (or do not want to remember).
I ... I do not think
, not love, not suffering, not to mourn.
I see my father's eyes and ask "why?". I would not think about it again and again does not affect me much. I want a certain person
embraced me and said "all going to be OK. " I want this karma
lonely out a good time in my head and leave me alone, live in peace.
Again, I'm so complicated. I hold both of the past, present, and I miss the nice things that dwell therein.
Today was a strange day.
back at the self-analysis he had left in the inkwell. I thought about my father, my sister, in her sad eyes when he thought he would.
I thought about my life and my actions, the things I want and I want. I realized that it must be me and that although I have heard this many times, not bad read of someone else.
So another wand is dropped of my window, I'm sure. So, get ready, this girl is harder. If they think they have seen it all, you have no idea of what may come. But
easy, I doubt they realize those who do not look good.
: sigh:
I feel good, calm and smiling (long time since I felt this way ... it's weird).
And to think it all started because you can tell I'm southern too xD
Knight (again), if you read this, thanks. Not explain any further or you will challenge me again -///-. We should be talking and more often, releases tension
n_n Kisses to all!
PS1: if you do not realized (if is that is reading this), the post is for you.
Pd2: I'm going to charge the floor with the idea of going out for a drink;) PD3
by kako-chan: toy buh my fault the yuki is not going to be able to go to ride peter sn cry cry and do not see a bakayasu cry cry too I have the ceremony pq title of my bro cry cry sorryyy
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